Thanksgiving Goose

Here is the scenario: You are performing a task that requires you to be standing. You are focused on the work at hand and could care less about the activity that may be surrounding you. You are calm, collected, and a lack of outside stress makes your entire body feel loose. Some would say that you are in the perfect space to get work done. And that is when it happens. When you least expected it, a thin, yet rigid, object forces its way into your anal cavity, causing your butt cheeks to clench in defence. You immediately feel violated, and your heart fills with anger toward the intruder. As you spin around to identify the perpetrator, the word “goose” is voiced to justify his/her actions. You are appalled at first, but then realize that everything is okay. Because the action was administered in the name of “goose,” it cannot be considered an assault or homosexual act. But where did the “goose” originate from?

“Goosing” was introduced in September 1996 by a man under the alias Commander Steam (see picture below). According to Steam, the original purpose was to bring quick relief to friends and family suffering from constipation. “By surprising the blocked area with a sharp finger jab, you can loosen the contents within, eventually leading to relief (Commander Steam, 1999).” Although Steam’s theory seemed justified, it was found out later that the intention of the “goose” was more than just helping your loved ones out.

During the summer of 1996, Steam decided to follow his dream in becoming a car air freshener inventor. Inspired by the latest catch phrase, “everybody likes their own brand,” he took it upon himself to develop a new scent replicating the smells of his close friends’ farts. The “goose” was created as a way of gathering sample smells. Steam would administer the “goose,” confront the goosed in a joking matter to save face, and then would retreat to a nearby vacant room to analyze the smell of his finger. Although the air freshener never made it to market, the legacy of the “goose” lives on. The butt-poking is now commonly practiced by many, creating a new level of intimacy between friends and family members. But what is not known is where the name “goose” originates from? (This will be the topic of discussion in the comments section). Judging from the picture below, and the fact that Commander Steam is currently in prison for undisclosed reasons, this writer assumes that the word has some sort of positive, family supporting, message.

 Commander Steam at Neverland Ranch, 2006

Fuller McCallister